How to Improve Your Self Image and Live with Confidence

Quite a few of my recent postings have been about belief.  What you believe about yourself is extremely important.  Most of us feel short of confidence from time to time, and it’s also important to know where our beliefs about ourselves come from and how to build a positive self-image. 

When we are children we learn from our parents, and others.  It’s amazing how many negative messages we get at that time.  As we are being trained to fit into society deviation from what is seen as either desirable or acceptable behaviour will get us into trouble.  When adults disapprove of our behaviour and tell us that it is our personality that is a problem, then we tend to believe it because we are young and impressionable.  Even if we forget some of those comments they can have a long lasting effect on our unconscious mind, and result in a negative self-image.  Here are some of the things that I was told when I was at School: 

You are lazy

You could do better

You are slapdash

You are cheeky

You are a waste of space

You’ll never amount to anything

You will never sing in tune

I bet that you can think of a few comments like this that apply to you.  You might even recognise some of the comments that people made about me.  The problem is that even if we think they have no effect they can insidiously work away on our self-confidence and re-emerge years later to frustrate and defeat us.  They provide inaccurate and convenient excuses for our own failures and shortcomings.  In reality the comments above do not apply to anyone, because most of them only apply to actions that people take and can’t be consistently applied to a personality.  Some of them are opinions without evidence, which are worthless.  Here’s what I would say now if I were told these things.

You are lazy – No, I am very hardworking

You could do better – Actually I do the best I can all the time.

You are slapdash – In fact I always take a great deal of care with whatever I do
You are cheeky – I am respectful when I think respect is deserved.

You are a waste of space – that’s your opinion; I think that I am a worthwhile person

You’ll never amount to anything – I can decide for myself what I can achieve.

You’ll never sing in tune  - I can sing in tune right now.

Here’s an exercise that you can do either on your own or with someone else to improve your self-image and to feel better about yourself immediately.  Make a list of ten negative comments that have been made about you on one side of a sheet of paper.  On the opposite side write exactly the opposite statement, just like I’ve done above.  Repeat to yourself the positive comments, or even better; get a partner to read them to you as compliments.  I can guarantee that you will feel much better almost immediately.  If you repeat the positive comments regularly you will find that they install themselves in your unconscious mind just like installing a programme on a computer.  You will move towards those positive qualities that you have programmed in.  In my case, when I started with this exercise I couldn’t hold a note, it was years later that I went to a singing teacher and learnt properly to sing in tune.  I believe that by affirming that I could sing in tune I was able to move towards achieving just that.  If I had believed that I would never be able to sing in tune, then I wouldn’t have bothered to go to a singing teacher.  Ironically it was my music teacher at school who told me I would never be able to sing in tune.  I should have told him that he would never be able to teach me.  That would have been more accurate.

If you want to build a positive self-image, don’t believe what other people say about you unless it’s complimentary.  Negative comments are not going to benefit you and most of the time they are inaccurate and ill considered.  Believe in your positive qualities.   

Choose the best - contact Jim Masson Crooks